R-E-S-P-E-C-T...

Good morning! Can you hear the beat? I don't know about you but whenever I see those 7 letters written this way--R-E-S-P-E-C-T--I immediately hear the sound of Aretha Franklin's 1967 classic hit pounding in my ears. If you haven't heard it for a while, I highly recommend you dig into that old record collection...I don't know about you, but Aretha gets me going every time!

And this time, I needed her. You see, the topic for today's post has been swirling around in my emotional space since a week ago, when I last spoke with my writing partner, Judy, and we started to dissect one of the key, if not THE KEY principle of Life-Shifting: RESISTANCE. In fact, if there were a song titled "R-E-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-E"...by just about anyone (of Aretha's stature!)I'd surely have had that one pounding in my head for a week. Bottom line: it has taken me a week to work through my own resistance in order to be able to start writing about it! So, that's why I need to start off this post by showing a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Respect for resistance. Respect for my ability to ignore, deny, and otherwise be completely unconscious to my own resistance. Resistance is stealthy, subtle, and unfathomably powerful. And yet, without working through it, there is absolutely no chance for life to shift in any meaningful way.

By now, if you've read last week's post on death, you may be saying to yourself, well Dr J, this one is rather obvious: we all resist death! Even those tiny, seemingly imperceptible 'deaths' that I was speaking about, like giving up my attachment to caffeine (I confess, I have a StarB right by my left hand here, that habit is still very much alive!), we resist with all our might. So, of course, resistance, in all its blatant and not-so-blatant manifestations, is going to rear up and make its presence known whenever change is afoot. On some level, I suppose what we are pointing to here is a survival instinct. It is deep...and it does not budge without a battle.

For those of you with a psychological orientation, and perhaps a Jungian bent, what I am talking about here is the resistance of the ego (that sense of a personality called "me")to relinquish its hold on what I might call the little "selves" (those labels and identities to which we become attached, without which we feel lost and vulnerable)in order for something new, something bigger, something MORE--what Jung might refer to as an archetypal Self (with a capital "S")--to emerge. The dynamic here represents a deep internal conflict between our urge to grow, change and become more fully human and the urge to remain small, safe, and comfortable. Resistance, both conscious and unconscious, holds the key.

The big challenge when working with resistance is recognizing it in the first place! You see, for most of us resistance appears in the form that I like to call "P & P"--pain and projection. Inevitably, as life goes along and we hit a snag--a breakdown in relationship, a fight with the boss, a life event that displeases us--we can shift very quickly (sometimes in a nano-second!) from feeling joy to feeling pain. In those first seconds or moments of pain, we immediately RESIST the feeling and our ego's response is to project the feelings on to someone else. It shows up in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle)forms but always with declarations, spoken or unspoken, that start with every pronoun except "I". "I" is last on the list.

This is perhaps the one and only time when it is NOT "me first". Rather, first on the list we find: "you","they" or "he/she", as in "you did it", "It's your fault", "They did it", etc. This is projection 101. Starting from the day we realized that it is easier to blame others than to accept criticism and take the heat--somewhere around four years old--we start earning our Ph.D. in projection. Real problems only begin many years later when the "victim" mode becomes the default mechanism, and we become obvlious to the fact that what we are really doing is RESISTING having to look at ourselves, RESISTING change, RESISTING taking full responsibiltiy for our reactions to the world. Yuck.

Of course, none of us is immune to this "P & P" affliction. This past weekend my partner and I spent a gloriously romantic weekend in Montreal, enjoying the sights and sounds of this deliciously urbane, European city that lies only one hour north of New York by plane. As you might imagine there were many moments of ecstatic joy--amazing food (real butter croissants--instead of the cardboard Starbucks version), amazing archtitecture (we want to do a whole book just on creative staircases on the back streets of Montreal!), amazing shopping (shops in New York should send all their sales staff to Montreal for training...), etc.

There were also a few lows. Tense moments of indecision about what to do next, uncomfortable conversations in the midst of a splendid dinner as politics made its way onto the scene, or disagreements over quantity versus quality as fatigue began to set in. Truth is, I came back exhausted. Happy yes, but also aware of an indeterminate PAIN in my gut, my back, and my head, that was screaming: "if only they hadn't done X, the trip might have been perfect." Now X, of course, represents a long list of what my partner did WRONG. Those irritating things that, dammit, I just don't like. So are you thinking yet that I am a brat? Well, you should be. I am. We all are. Just stop for a moment and think about the last travel experience you had with a partner or friend in which you came home thinking, "never again!" Ummm, look in any mirrors after that trip?

To make matters worse, I carried this foul energy around with me for a couple of days, mostly holding it as "not my fault" that I was tired, irritable, and unable to sit down and write about resistance! HAH! There's a laugh. I was so caught up in my own resistance to looking at myself and how little I am willing to change, how tight I hold on to my own self-centered bad habits, how little criticism my ego is able to handle--that I became virtually unable to move. But MOVING is what breaks resistance.

And that is exactly what was required--moving.

And here, once again (see earlier posts), is the simple, but not easy, answer to the dilemma of resistance: it is always held first, in the body. It shows up as anxiety, stress, aches and pains and if it is not attended to promptly (which is often the case with our tendency towards denial!), it rapidly devolves into illness, even depression. So what to do? Well, you've got to shake it loose! Break up the pattern of victim energy that settles into mind, heart and body. Only then you can see it, be with it, work through it, laugh at it (and yourself), and let it go!!!

For me, yoga helps. Yoga is all about resistance. Yoga brings you right up to the edge of your physical, emotional, and mental stopping points, and asks you each time, in a new way, to move through them. Yoga, in its goal of bringing us bodily, emotionally, and spiritually into union with the divine within, asks us to break through the boundaries of who we think we are and what we think we can do/be.

Yesterday's class was all about opening the hips. Yikes. Bad news for me. As the instructor pointed out, the lower chakra area of the body--the hips, lower back and abdomen--are where we hold most of our fear, anger, and, you guessed it, resistance. It is that part of the body that grounds us and holds us and supports our stance as upright beings on the planet. BUT, it is also that part of the body that most resists change. Hips, especially for men, are usually the most resistant to opening, releasing, and relaxing. Perfect timing for me, as it were...a gift from Spirit.

So as I suffered through the excruciating pain (with no one to project onto, except perhaps the "sadistic" instructor!), of opening my hip sockets in directions I never even knew legs could go, something snapped. Not a bone, thank god, but my ego. I surrendered, or should I say, "it" surrendered...and something deeper, more essential, more loving, compassionate and real, emerged. Returned. Awakened. But truth be told, something also had died in this process, something heretofore invulnerable: my self-righteousness. My attachment to being right. Split open, both figurately and literally, my hips hurt and my heart broke. I wept.

From that moment forward, I withdrew the projection, took back the sword of responsibility, and softened to the core. I remembered my compassion for myself, for my partner, even for the yoga instructor...but most importantly, for myself.

We all go through this cycle over and over again...and no matter how good we get at turning our attention inward, onto our own RESISTANCE, we always still feel a bit like a deer caught in the headlights. What me? Project? Still, eh? Ouch. Ok, time to lighten up and be HUMAN. Learn to respect the big "R"...and know that it is just trying to protect you.

So, as you move through your day today, get humble...and look for those pain points...don't slough them off as simple "anxiety", "aches & pains"...instead, with deep humility, consider these questions:

1. Am I willing to consider that my stress, my anxiety, and all my aches and pains may be my body's way of signaling that change is afoot?

2. Am I willing to consider that some identity that I wear as protective armor might have outworn its usefulness?

3. What do I most resist? Is it possible that this may be what I most need to change?

Tough questions, eh? Well, to the practice of Life-Shifting, they are core. They deserve our respect. And a chuckle. Maybe a guffaw. At the very least, we might as well welcome them with a smile--they're likely to be hanging around for a long time to come!

Respectfully yours,

Dr J

Every Day a Little Death...

In the parlor...in the bedroom...OK so I like Stephen Sondheim! As many of you will know, this is a line from a famous song in one of his musicals. Perhaps not the most upbeat note with which to kick off a post, but what the hell. Death is on my mind today. In a good way. You see, after dialoguing a bit with my writing partner, Judy, about how we approach the themes of my recent post on labels and identities, we came to the conclusion that one of the most difficult aspects of "Life-Shifting" is letting go of an identity to which we have become accustomed, even attached. It feels like death. Not the real thing, perhaps, but in the moment, pretty darned close.

Truth is, we like to KNOW who we are at any given moment; we like to be comfortable with the role we are playing, and especially as adults, we loathe having to be the beginner. Surely, this is true for many reasons (and I'll probably write about more of them as I go along with this blog), but one of the main ones, I think, is that making room for a new identity requires us to let go of an old one. And letting go in many ways resembles the experience of death. Even if it is just a little death, as Stephen Sondheim sings, it is death nonetheless. Painful. Sad. Hard.

But very necessary. How else can we welcome in the sense of possibility, the energy of creativity and spontaneity, if we don't step off the comfortable plateaus of identity that we build for ourselves? Sure, in moments when life suddenly shifts and doors open to new possibilities, it can feel exhilarating and fresh. But it can also feel terrifying and frightening, as we step out of our known frames of reference and dangle precariously in the unknown.

Yesterday, I spoke with a client who sees himself as hanging on the edge of a precipice in his corporate job: things in the company have shifted dramatically around him and now he is frustrated and unhappy and feeling like a victim of circumstances--bad bosses, bad economics, bad timing, bad colleagues...you name it. His star in the company, however, has been on the rise. So he has choices: 1. he can quit (but he doesn't have a job yet; 2. he can go demand what he wants--a new role, a promotion, a new organization structure; 3. or he can sit back, do nothing, and let the frustration build until he gets sick...or worse, fired for having a bad attitude. Sound familiar? I have seen this kind of situation many many times in my career as an executive coach...and...I have been in this situation myself a few times.

Looking back, I wish I had been less stuck in fear, more willing to hang over the edge...more willing to trust myself...and life. Why? Becase every time I finally got myself over that edge, out into the open sky of possibility and out of the muck of victim-hood, amazing things would happen. Whole new vistas of possibility would appear that I had NEVER SEEN BEFORE. But I had to shed that part of my identity that was holding me back: it had to die, to be buried up there on the cliff, in order for the birth of a new me to occur. Now, I am not advocating that you leap before you look, nor have I told my client to jump willy-nilly into the unknown. BUT I have told him that after learning all he can about the landscape before him, he should go ahead and MAKE A DECISION. TAKE THE LEAP. Let go. Let that small, used-up, no-longer useful identity that he claims is his...die.

So strange as it sounds, I'm asking that you think about death today. Is it a good day to die? What in your life needs to be killed off? Think of all the different labels that you wear, the ways you supposedly "know" yourself to be: "worker-bee", "boss", "professional", "adult", "parent", "over-weight", "out-of-shape", "non-spiritual", "hard-worker", "always tired", "oppressed", "underpaid", etc... Is there one you'd be willing to part with? Even a small one? For example, I'm contemplating the possibility of letting my identity as a "coffee addict" die. Even as I write these words, I stand on the precipice: could I actually walk by a Starbucks and not go in? (Stay tuned). Birth requires death.

In closing, just in case you happen to think after reading this not-so-happy-go-lucky post that Judy and I are just sadists in disguise as healers and transformers, let me share with you a bit of wisdom from a modern day philosopher/spiritual teacher whom many admire. Eckert Tolle in his book "Stillness Speaks" says of death the following:

"People tend to be uncomfortable with endings, because every ending is a little death. ..Whenever an experience comes to an end--a gathering of friends, a vacation, youer children leaving home--you die a little death...Often this leaves behind a feeling of emptiness that most people try hard not to feel, not to face. If you can learn to accept and even wecome the endings in your life, you may find that the feeling of emptiness that initially felt uncomfortable turns into a sense of inner spaciousness that is deeply peaceful. By learning to die daily in this way, you open yourself to Life." (p.106)

So it seems that Judy and I are not the only advocates of a little dose of death now and then. In fact, we believe that one of the crucial principles of "Life-Shifting" in practice, is taking the leap into that "emptiness" of which Tolle speaks. It is in that space, that spaciousness, as he puts it, that the new you is born, every day.

Tomorrow, my client will walk into his bosses office and make a decision, take a stand, and become a different person. He sees himself as a leader of others....now, just maybe, by stepping off that cliff of the known, he will become different kind of leader--a leader of self.

Peace...gotta run to Starbucks...Dr J

Always...Never...

New York is truly a magical place. I find it to be like living in a ready-made "Life-Shifting" laboratory, where every idea or theory that I ever come up with seems to get played out on the streets, on a daily basis. Take yesterday, for example. Just coming up from the 49st N/R subway, emerging in the glare and electric hum of Times Square, I witnessed one of the core themes of "Life-Shifting" played out right in front of me. A I exited the subway, I heard the deafening roar of jack-hammering only a few feet away. Right at the entrance to the subway, it seems, there was drilling for oil underway (probably nothing that exciting, actually...). Anyway, as I slowly made my way through the din, wincing in pain at the screech of the jack-hammer, I glanced at the construction worker who was wielding the hammer, and lo and behold, he was not even wearing ear plugs! I could'nt believe my ears...or should I say HIS ears. How could he stand it? I thought Jack-hammerers ALWAYS wore earplugs or hardhats or sound proof helmits or SOMETHING. But no, this guy was happily hammering away, sans any protection whatsoever. Well, if that wasn't enough of a shock, I turned in the other direction, and lo and behold again, there was a homeless man, a street bum, as we might unfortunately deem him, sitting on the curb looking very dirty and unkempt, except for one thing: he was wearing a very expensive pair of sound-reducing headphones, the kind that cost upwards of 300 hundred bucks in an electronics store. Top-drawer. Needless to say, I was dumbfounded at the juxtaposition of these two unlikely crashers of the sound-barrier. Of course, I thought, one NEVER sees a street bum wearing expensive head phones, whereas, jack-hammerers ALWAYS wear ear protection! Until yesterday. Ah, New York. Another street-level lesson in Life-Shifting!

You see, one of the key principles of "Life-Shifting" that my writing partner, Judy and I are currently working on for our book, "Life-Shifting: Mastering the Art of Self-Renewal" (see Post #1 for more info)has to do with the formation and re-formation of personal identities. As we see it, if there is no true "Self" (see earlier posts)to rely upon, then we are constantly creating and crafting our "personal identity" and, like a set of clothes (or ear phones), we take on labels: doctor, lawyer, construction worker, husband, boyfriend, son, daughter, wife, old guy, bum, etc. Now do these labels actually identify who we REALLY are? Of course not. Are these identities static or constantly changing and shifting? Shifting, of course. So how do we come to recognize and KNOW each other, our loved ones, ourselves? Well, the obvious answer is that we get very attached to our labels...we BECOME our identities. We may know deep down that the self is always in flux and constantly shifting, but living with that awareness tends to make us uncomfortable. So, we generally ignore this truth and rely on the labels. We relax into knowing that construction workers act a certain way...and likewise, street bums act a certain way...until they don't!!! That is the wake-up call.

But why is this idea of labels and attachments to identities so important? Well, just think of how often you say the following words to your significant others: Always. Never. Do they ALWAYS forget to wash the dishes? Do they NEVER tell you that you are pretty? Do they ALWAYS arrive late to meet you? DO they NEVER fail to disappoint? We all do this, instinctively. We get used to certain behaviors and attitudes and ways that our loved ones ARE, in relationship with us...and that's it. They BECOME their identity. They take on the outfit--the label--that we dress them in, permanently. Of course, then when they leave us, or rebel, or get angry at being reduced to a label, or worse, a stereotype, we are shocked. What it comes down to is this: how can we give our loved ones the space to CHANGE and BECOME and GROW if we are not willing to see that they are not ALWAYS/NEVER anything?

But even this tragey of de-limiting our loved ones is not the real crime: we do this to ourselves as well. We take on identities, we label ourselves with endless ALWAYS's and NEVER's, crafting neat identity prisons from which we can seemingly NEVER escape. How many times have you said to yourself: "I am ALWAYS falling into XX"(XX = debt? trouble? fights? depression?) or "I NEVER have any XX" (XX= success? luck? happiness?). Are these statements really true? I doubt it. Sure, we may not have had much success or joy or whatever recently, or perhaps we have had conflicts with our partner or taken on some debt...but ALWAYS? NEVER? NOT.

Here is the principle to think about: to shift your life, you must drop your attachments to who you think you are and who you think others are. These are labels. Not truths. The deeper truth is that we are always changing, always becoming, always flowing in an endless cycle of birth and death and re-birth. Today we are a construction worker with bad hearing, tomorrow we are a street bum with good ears! Life, like the streets of New York, is filled with surprises!

So, just for today, try this exercise: watch how often you use the words ALWAYS and NEVER in association with others and most importantly, with yourself. Count'em. Banish'em. Open up to the possibility that you are more than your personal set of labels: make the shift and open up the space.

Have an adventure in Life-Shifting!

Peace,

Dr J

Embodied Wisdom

I love the adage that I heard once at a talk by Margaret Wheatley (of "Leadership and the New Science" fame!): "Planning is a defense against God". So true, so true. The best laid plans of mice and men..or in other words we start out as men and end up as mice...no no...that's not right. Well, no matter, point is...getting this theme of "Life-Shifting" out in the world and understood obviously ain't gonna be easy...simple, yes. Easy, no. Of course, there is nothing new here...as my post about Buddha reminds me...but still...difficult messages are sometimes hard to digest. What I am trying to say is that I got a bit of flack from a good friend for yesterday's post. You see, he didn't seem to think that my bedtime example of one of the core principles of "Life-Shifting"--that everything is always in flux, therefore everything is possible-- was very successful. AND, he makes a great point.

You see, although he understood how in a situation like lying in bed feeling over-heated and frustrated lends itself to reflection, shifting, possibility and a warm blanket...what he didn't feel clear about was how this principle works on a bigger scale. What if you are really stuck with something in life? Stuck in your relationship or in your career...or worse stuck in depression. Something like that. This is a really valid question because clearly there is more to "Life-Shifting" than learning how to tolerate discomfort in the bedroom. Ultimately, the entire process and set of principles that I am calling "Life-Shifting" is designed to move us through the stuck places in life that take us away from feeling that sense of possibility, opportunity, opening, and joy. But we have to start somewhere.

I chose to start with a small, rather insignificant example...on a physical,emotional level, for a very specific reason: I truly believe that every real shift in us begins on a micro-level, in the body, with a felt sense of the internal fluctuation, movement and impermance of me, myself, and I. This is where the opening first occurs that life could be--well, OTHERWISE. Otherwise (ha!), if we just try to "understand" the concepts of "Life-Shifting" and take on huge changes based on the "theory" (as most of us do most of the time!), my experience has been that, despite our best efforts, the change we desire rarely happens (at least for long!). Thinking about a situation and learning new ways of understanding is essential, but most of the time, this is not enough to get us off our butts and into the actual ACTION-MODE that constitutes real change.

What I am pointing to here is what my good friend and wonderful teacher, Tom Lutes, likes to call, "embodied wisdom". His point is that unless we actually get down and dirty with ourselves, and on a very granular, practical level EMBODY the theory and concepts that might shift our perspective or break us open to a new way of being/living, it is all just good ideas. Fodder for conversation, perhaps, food for thought, for sure, but not the nourishment of deep change that we seek.

So where does the rubber hit the road: the body. Only by starting to flex, practice and play with the concepts of "Life-Shifting" in tiny, physical, felt-sense ways, will the possibility of bigger shifts, bigger change, and true wisdom regarding the nature of self (that there isn't one!) start to accrue. Of course, we will tackle the big stuff--that's what we are all about here. But just as simply knowing that you should lose weight or stop smoking or break up with that guy/gal doesn't usually get you to SHIFT GEARS in any real sense...you've got to start somewhere. Start small. Wake up in the body, here now. Feeling the movement, the flux, and ultimately, the possibility of flow, surrender and grace. It will expand...things will shift...and change, yes, big change, will occur.

Let me leave you for today with another example to ponder: yoga. For me, practicing yoga presents a grand opportunity to really SEE/FEEL/SENSE how this key principle of "Life-Shifting" really works. Yoga takes you into your body through the breath, the posture, the stretch. It is a practice that constantly surprises, because just when I think that I cannot stand the pain of that stretch, or that I will never get my body to move into that position, something shifts and lo and behold--it happens. I'm there. IT/Me constantly amazes...and constantly brings me to new levels of awareness, joy, even ecstacy. Life moving through. Never stopping. Always expanding. Try it. You'll see!

Peace,

Dr J

Getting Under the Covers

Ok, so I didn't sleep too well last night and therefore I probably shouldn't try writing this blog today...but maybe... since I'm not very well rested, my post will be short (which many of my loyal fans will be pleased to read!)...

Today I thought I'd share a real-time example of what I was trying to point to and begin to discuss in yesterday's post: the idea that the "self"--that elusive sense of me, myself, and mine--is always in flux. I realize that depending on how you read into this idea, it can be good news or bad news. It can wake us up to the reality that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE because there are no constraints AND it can bring us down to the depths of despair as we realize that there is no solid ground on which to stand anymore. In the world of "Life-Shifting", you can't just turn to the politicians, or the priests, or even the psychologists to get the "right" answer for how to live your life...you've got to do the work. Yikes.

It is all so simple...but not ever easy.

Last night I lived through a granular example of Life-Shifting in action. Let me explain. I live in one of those old fifties apartment buildings that was built after the invention of central air conditioning but before the addition of individual thermostats. What that means is that every year on a certain day in April and again in October, my building superintendent pulls the switch. In one fell swoop my apartment goes from having a/c to having heat. It is all very cut and dry: one day you get cold air and the next you get hot. No regulation. No choice. Nada. Well, yesterday was the day we went from a/c to heat, which might not have been so bad except the temperature outside was still almost 70 degrees when I went to bed. TO make matters worse, I really don't like to sleep with the windows open in the middle of New York City. Only as a last resort do I turn to earplugs!

So, you can probably guess why I didn't sleep well. The temperature was too hot and I was too hot and there wasn't any way to regulate it. Lying in bed under the covers I was aware of two things most of the night: 1. My body does not have an a/c vs. heat kind of temperature gauge. It is quite capable of feeling hot, cold, warm and everthing in between all at once; 2. My mind seems to follow my body down the rabbit hole of either pleasure or pain. When the body feels comfortable, the mind may relax (or not!), but when the body feels uncomfortable the mind tends to fuel the negativity. The bottom line on the experience: It all kept changing minute to minute, breath to breath. The movement from comfort to discomfort and back again is fluid, complex and dynamic.

The world that we deal with everyday often seems to operate in hot/cold kind of ways, yet the human dilemma is that we are not black/white kinds of beings. We are both/and kinds of beings. There were moments last nite when my toes were cold, my head was sweating, my head was aching...and yet my thoughts were elsewhere. So where was I? Was I on HEAT or A/C? Yes and yes?

So here is a micro-level example of how the key principle of "Life-Shifting"--that all is in flux--can be the starting point for creativity and possibility. It is all about choice. At the end of a couple of hours of fluxuating and frustrating hot/cold bedroom drama, I made a choice: turn off the heat, plug in the earplugs, open the windows and change blankets. And more importantly, I chose to surrender. Let it be. Deal with the outer world's constraints in the most creative way I could think of in the moment...and then just accept what is. At about 3am, after tossing and turning and finally deciding to follow my cat's lead (he had been sleeping soundly through the whole drama), I relaxed...put down my head...and slept.

So, next time you are feeling frustrated, irritated, or down...ask yourself: what is under the covers? Is it all black/white, good or bad? Is there something going on underneath that you may be missing? Is there a creative response to what appears to be a bad situation? Is it possible to just let go and relax? Won't it all change anyway...no matter what you do today?

Perhaps you just need to sleep on it.

Peace,

Dr J

Thanks to Buddha, et. al.

Well, it is another glorious sunny warm morning in New York City and there is plenty of jack-hammering and horn-honking going on outside my window...so I feel quite at home and at peace! Amidst the paradoxes of New York--sunshine, noise pollution, blue skies and trash collectors--it feels fitting to take a first stab at explaining a bit what the idea of "Life-Shifting" is all about.

Many people have said to me, "well, my life is certainly ALWAYS shifting...but what are you trying to get at with the phrase?" My first response is to say, "you've got it!" That's basically the core principle of "Life-Shifting", that life itself is constantly shifting. Everything is in a state of flux and nowhere is that more noticeable than in our own lives. So how do we manage it? What do we hold on to? How do we find peace and happiness in the midst of the raging river called life? How do we "go with the flow", as the sages would have us do? Of course, we know intuitively that there are no easy answers to these kinds of questions. And the principles and practices of "Life-Shifting" don't provide any. However, what we can do...and what the approach to personal and spiritual growth that I call "Life-Shifting" can do to support us...is to help us live more deeply, richly, and fully, letting go of easy answers and instead--embracing the questions.

But before we head off on further adventures in the land of "Life-Shifting", I want to stop and express some gratitude for a few of the many teachers that have tilled the soil before me. Although there have been many, and continue to be many teachers that cross my path and enrich my perspectives (in fact, that pretty much would include EVERYONE that I meet!), there are three main characters that are probably most responsible for the birth of "Life-Shifting": James Hillman, the Buddha, and Dr. Phil (a great trio, no?). So before I get any further into explanations about the principles of "Life-Shifting", I need to give these guys there due.

First, let me thank the Buddha. Just about exactly (how's that for equivocating!)10 years ago this fall, I went to my first Buddhist Vipassana meditation retreat. For ten days I sat in silence, eyes closed, trying desperately not to move, to follow my breath, and to banish the endles swirl of thoughts that raced through my mind like the Daytona 500. I learned many things on that first foray into Buddhist practice: that pain and pleasure are very similar emotions and always in motion, never static; that my mind constantly regurgitates an endless litany of complaints about everyone and everything; that the small details of life's wonders--a blade of grass, a passing cloud, the taste of a raisin--can bring tears of ecstasy. But most importantly, I learned that there is no such thing as a "self".

Just as the Buddha had pointed out thousands of years ago, I finally got to "discover" this truth on my own: where ever I looked for "myself" during those ten days in silence, I never found much there. I never heard the "real" voice called "mine"; I never got to the root of my essential being; I never figured out ANYTHING about who I am or where I am going. Nothing. Nada. Yikes. AND..Whew! Wow! What a relief. Thanks to the Buddha I learned the key principle that forms the foundation of "Life-Shifting": Relax. There's no there there. Everything, including me, is always changing, always shifting, never complete, never finished, never arriving. So, thanks to the Buddha for bringing me to a whole new state of awareness about what/who I am...and am not.

And so... the Buddha brought me to Dr. Phil.

I sometimes call myself the "anti-Dr. Phil". I have read his books and I actually have been touched deeply by the wisdom and heart in his approaches to healing. But, and it is a big but, I think his core premise is all wrong. Sorry, Doc, but thanks for waking me up to what REALLY matters. You see, his book called "Self Matters", which is the one that got him started on the road to Oprah and to national fame, starts with a devilishly false premise: that there is a Self..and that it MATTERS.

Of course, I certainly respect his endeavor to support those who have never gained (due to childhood trauma and hurt) a sense of what he calls the "authentic" self; I engage in this healing work myself with clients. It is important stuff. But at the end of the day, we have to remember that the "self" is something rather elusive, something that is never finished getting constructed...and it never will be finished. The work of re-membering your authentic self (or what I would call re-building your ego)may be an important step in personal growth and healing, but it is really just a beginning. Just a starting point. Life is never that simple.

What do we do with people who have achieved a so-called successful life--money, achievement, career, family--when they appear in my office saying: "Everything I've built is falling apart...my family, my career, my sense of self!"? Or even more commonly, "Is this all there is to life?" After hearing these words hundreds of times from many people over the years, I can't help but surmise that Dr. Phil's simplistic path to the "authentic self" just doesn't cut the mustard. It seems that as soon as most people have a modest sense of "self" cobbled together, something or someone manages to come along and tear it apart. So where does that leave us? Well, on the heels of Dr. Phil's valuable contribution, we embark on the good ship "Life-Shifting".

And that brings me to James Hillman.

Dr. Hillman is famous for being the ultimate contrarian, the psychologist who is most committed to de-bunking the mythic "truths" constructed by just about ANY psychological frame of reference. Hillman's approach to knowledge, which he outlines beautifully in his book, "We've had 100 Years of Psychotherapy and the World's Getting Worse," is what he calls "seeing through". He loves being the ant in the ointment that refuses to let us get too attached to "knowing" anything. Everything, and he means everything, can and should be "seen through" as a construction of the mind--a mythological interpretation of an unknowable reality--and our job is to constantly be on the look-out for the fundamentalism in our thinking. Well, with Hillman's powerful lens of deconstruction pointed squarely at the work of Dr. Phil and other big "self" promoters, we find ourselves grappling with a whole host of questions that perhaps really do matter...the ones that many of my clients are facing...the ones that form the permeable and flexible (always shifting never static) foundation "stones" of "Life-Shifting":

--->How do we hold "it" together when everything is constantly coming part?
--->If there is no "Self" to hide behind or cling to, then how do we live?
--->If change really is the only "constant", how do we make life work?
---->Is there any meeting point between my thoughts, my emotions and my physical body?
---->Whew! Can I relax and just not know?
---->What DOES really matter?

(As an aside...if you're getting my drift that we'll be living in the unknown from now on...welcome on board! If you would like a bit of an anchor for the voyage, I suggest you see the movie: "What the Bleep?" , which came out about a year ago. It is a uniquely creative film that gets at the core principles of what I am calling "Life-Shifting" as seen through the lens of quantum physics!)

So there you have it! These are the starting points for the Life-Shifting approach to healing and personal growth. With Life-Shifting, rather than seeking buttoned-up answers...we choose to step off the hard ground of black/white, right/wrong, normal/abnormal etc. and step gingerly into a diffent kind of space...a space of inquiry...a space of opening...a space of possibility. And so, thanks to Dr. Hillman, Dr. Buddha, and Dr. Phil, we are compelled to "jump off" the construction ladder called "building up the self"...and begin the journey down a path less linear and concrete and breakable...a path more flowing, fluid, and graceful; more like a spiral of possibility.

Life-Shifting, as we will discover together, is all about endless change, endless contraction and expansion, endless identity formation and re-formation, endless creativity and renewal. Re-invention. Rejuvenation. Renovation. Self-renewal. This is the key.

Have a great day and stay tuned!!

Peace,

Dr J

Adventures in Life-Shifting #1

Good morning and welcome to "Adventures in Life-Shifting"...my first adventure in blogging! It feels fitting that this is Columbus Day, the day that we celebrate Columbus' so-called discovery of America (not sure that the indigenous people who were already here were too thrilled with being "discovered"...but that is another blog!), because it feels like I am discovering a new world myself today with the inception of this blog. It is exciting, perhaps a bit intimidating, but most of all exhilarating to know that I will have an opportunity to reach out, share, and connect with people around this new landscape of transformation that I call "Life-Shifting".

There are two main goals that I hope to accomplish in writing this blog: 1. I want to share with you some of the amazing gifts--truly gold nuggets of learning--that I receive almost daily from my clients and my interaction with wonderful teachers, students and friends. I am blessed (if sometimes lovingly beaten over the head!) with offerings of insights, suggestions, feedback, and just plain "moments" (those amazing "aha" experiences) that never fail to SHIFT my life in ways that transform and renew me each and every day. I often wake up in the morning or lie down to sleep at night and think, "Wow. THAT was a crazy moment...or a profound dream...or a powerful interaction. What did I learn from that? How am I changed forever? (yes...I'm, not exaggerating here: changed forever!). If only I could share this moment with others, with my clients, with the world!" And now I can...or at least I will try. Some of these "Life-Shifting" experiences are difficult to put into words...and so I may stumble and grapple with how to express them...but bear with me on this...for there is gold in them there hills!

2. Secondly, I want to use the medium of this blog to offer you an opportunity to get a first-hand look at some of the work that my writing partner, great friend and psychotherapist, Judy Fox, and are I doing as we collaborate on our first book project: Life-Shifting: Mastering the Art of Self-Renewal". As we frame the chapters and flesh out drafts together, we will share some of our writing and thinking. Some of this may come across as formative, even rough and not quite articulated just the way we want it, but our hope in sharing these previews with you is to encourage feedback and dialogue. We are as much students of Life-Shifting as we are teachers...and the more ways we can practice, hone our thoughts and clarify our ideas, the better the finished product will ultimately be.

I hope you will enjoy listening in on Judy's and my musings. I hope you will bear with us and have a bit of patience, as we grapple with miracles and paradox and life's un-ending surprises. We want to hear from you and learn about how your life is shifting and moving and changing in amazingly powerful...or even mundane ways. SO join me. Join us. Let's play!!!

Have a great holiday and if you're in New York City...relish this glorious sunshine!

Peace. Dr J